TSWWNASW: Handling Conflict

The Social Worker Who Needs A Social Worker

“As such is life so keep it simple”

Yolanda Champion-Brown, MSW

Handling Conflict

If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  How many times have we heard that saying? Now let’s take it a step further, how many of you have been able to apply it?  When we think of the word conflict we tend to think negative thoughts.  Conflicts are situations that most people do not want to deal with or properly don’t know how to deal with.  Everything in life is all about perception.  The way you view a situation determines how you will handle a situation.

In the words of Rodney King, “Can we all just get along?” I often wonder many years after his statement, did he ever get the question answered.  In light of Mr. King’s statement, I do believe that, yes, we all can get along.  Everyone has the power to overcome any obstacle that they may face.  The key is to tap into that power so that one can successfully move forward. I would like to share a particular strategy that I have found to be effective in resolving daily conflicts.  I am not saying that this will work for you nor am I suggesting that you implement this strategy into your daily regiment, I’m merely delineating on a strategy that has worked for me.

Feelings….Nothing more than FEELINGS!!!

I find that tapping into my feelings always works for me. I love using the “I” statement. For example, “I felt abandoned when the conflict aroused.”  This makes you aware of how you are actually feeling at the time and it also lets the other person know as well.  Anyone can contest facts but never your feelings.  Keep your “I” statements reflective on how you are feeling and not that of how the other person is acting. Be assertive not aggressive!!!

The Who..What.. When..Where..and Why????

All this means is that you need to clarify the content of the conflict.  I found once I asked myself these questions, it became a lot easier to face the facts. Additionally this was a great problem solving strategy for me as well.  The five W’s will help you to identify what the underlining issues are.

Before I let go….

Free your mind and the rest will follow, shout outs to En Vogue for that wonderful number.  In all actuality before you let go, you must know what you are actually letting go of.  Once you have effectively tapped into your feelings and identified the 5 W’s, you are ready to let it go. Understand that there is an art to actually “Letting it Go.”  I do a lot of self talking and the conversations that I have are will I let it go…or will I hold onto it.  It is definitely a choice, YOUR choice, whatever decision you make it will affect the outcome.  Exercise the right to follow through this means that you are choosing to keep the decision alive. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing.  Release the anger and the frustrations and refuse to allow yourself to become anyone’s victim.

To the Left..To the Left

Understand and respect the fact that not everyone will agree with you. I have always thought of myself as a logical thinker, so when a person would go against the grain of what I presumed to be a logical concept conflict creped in.  This was a clear result of me not honoring the value of disagreement.  Communicating openly and honestly is the key. Say what you mean in specific terms, no one can read your mind.  Kick the win-lose perspective to the left. Develop an attitude that sets a tone of we can work this out even if we disagree to agree.  Expect respect by setting the example that kicks debate to the left but promotes respectful responses to disrespectful behavior.

In closing….

I have learned to build my credibility with the language that I speak and the actions that I take.  I am now learning that silence is truly my calm. And as such is life, so keep it simple. But hey what do I know; I’m just a “Social Worker who needs a Social Worker.”

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